So Your Mom is an Asian Trannie

A relationship during holidays are all about compromise and sacrifice. When your families live more than an hour apart, you essentially have to plead your case for why it's more important to see your family on any particular holiday. Since my family says grace before dinner (although we forgot this year), we went to my family's for Easter dinner.



Since I can remember, I associated Easter with my birthday. Even though I resented the holiday overshadowing the celebration of my birth, I always appreciated the fact that more family members would show up for Easter but be tricked into celebrating my arrival into this world. From the perspective of a child: more family members here on my birthday = more presents. So yeah, how could I complain?



This year Easter landed far enough away from my birthday that we could celebrate each event on completely different weekends. From the perspective of a grown ass woman that doesn't see her family enough: more reasons to celebrate = more motivation to see your family. Everybody wins.



Although I was baptised Catholic, I was never very good at it. By that I mean, because I'm a good person and have a good heart, I practice many fundamentals of Christianity without being told by a book to do so or out of fear of damnation. But I could never get the knack of this organized religion stuff. Like Easter: I don't know if I can fully grasp what this holiday stands for- I get the basics and all, but I still don't know where bunnies, candy, and ham come into play. You see?



This year for me, Easter stood for technology. Women over 50 and technology. Have you ever tried to teach a 4 month old baby how to high five? Well it's easier and probably less frustrating than teaching your mother how to play Guitar Hero. Teaching your grandmother how to play bowling on Nintendo Wii is also more difficult than teaching a 4 month old how to high five. I know this because I've tried to do both.



You have to consider that the technology we spend our lives adjusting to will soon be gone and a new technology will be here making you feel retarded. Like having 4 remotes for the tv, cable, dvd player, and surround sound. So many remotes gives me enough anxiety that I'd rather pick up a book.



So here is my mom, whom I've grown to appreciate very much in my adult years- and I'm not saying this because she reads my blogs. She's about to play her 11 year old nephew in bowling. On this new fangled game system, you can pick the character that plays you! Cousin already has a character with his name. His character slightly resembles him. Apparently, this is the point of building your character- to make it a digital version of you.



My mom complains when cousin selects a female character that doesn't resemble her. She complains again when he selects an unattractive female character. It's then that we see the character named "Ben S." My aunt and I yell for cousin to pick Ben S. to be my mom. We laughed wildly as the disappointment filled her eyes. "Your Wii Bowling character does not define you as a person, mom!" I had to say. She was concerned that we chose this character because deep down we felt that it resembled her in some way. I could see why she'd be concerned with this. Because this was her character:





Besides the fact that my mom is in fact an Asian tranie with a huge mole and goatee, this character looks nothing like her in real life. She would never wear pink and her hair certainly isn't blond.

In the end, she beat my 11 year old cousin. Afterwards, she went outside to smoke and contemplate an identity crisis caused by this new technology.

The lesson to be learned this Easter is that you should probably not hurt a parent's feelings by assigning an Asian Trannie to represent him or her in a serious game of digital bowling. Until next time, Happy Day.