Dear future natalie,

Today you swam in the ocean for hours. Even though the current was scary, you didn't panic and successfully dove under big waves to avoid injury. It was such a great day at the beach and you found exciting peace in the ocean. It sounds like a contradiction, but peace is exciting yo!!

You were sad to leave after just spending the afternoon in bliss. While your mom and her friends were preparing for happy hour, you were preparing for the drive home. It was depressing. It physically hurt you to leave. You need more than an afternoon. Remember this pain next summer so that you plan ahead with a Monday off of work, dummy.

Thanks in advance,

natalie of august 23, 2009

Dear Natalie Pep Talk.

That feeling of accomplishment is pretty sweet. Sore muscles indicating future strength, the idea that you sweated out some nasty shit that's been building up in your body. Working out feels GOOD. It's getting there that's the challenge...

Coming home from work, you're finding excuses to stay at home and maybe take a nap. Abandoning your goals to get in shape and maybe shrink parts of your body. Because you're tired. Because you have a headache. Because you have oh so much to accomplish at home. Who has time for physical self improvement when life is so busy?

Fuck. all. that. shit. If you listen to excuses, you'd never get anything done.

You tell your man that it's his turn to cook dinner and you get your tubby ass to the gym where you will polish the guns, ride a bike to nowhere and regret stepping foot into a yoga class. You will do it because you will feel super when it's over. You'll do it because your body NEEDS THIS. If you don't do it, you will be a lazy lethargic slob with more jiggly parts than solid parts.

You don't have kids, you only work 8 hours a day, you have no excuse. Good job getting your butt to the gym today, but don't you dare think about bailing tomorrow or Thursday!

Produce Man

Thursdays are fun because the Farmers' Market sets up their little stands and sells produce to the fine people of Fairmount. It feels good to eat food that was grown within an hours drive of your house. You can ask the farmer guy from New Jersey if he sprayed these particular crops with pesticides and if so, he'll tell you what chemicals were involved as you nod your head concentration in your eyes pretending you know what chemicals are good and bad.

The only part of Farmers Market Shopping that's tricky is choosing your produce stand of preference. Two of the stands have cheap prices and beautiful looking produce. But what they're lacking is an attractive farm lad peddling produce.

Maybe it's just me. But I'm partial to one particular stand because of the somewhat shy farmer boy with hazel eyes for the simple fact that (even as a woman who loves her boyfriend deeply) I like to look at a pretty face and blush from time to time. What girl doesn't?

We have a brief conversation about vegetables and what to do with them, I give him money, his hand brushes against my hand when he gives me the change and he says, "See you next week." There's nothing wrong with innocent swooning.

The downside of this is that I'm literally paying for the interaction. On several occasions, I've purchased produce that I was pretty sure wouldn't be consumed. Weird looking carrots, tiny zucchini, potatoes- I wasn't planning to cook these items, I just made a purchase for the sake of supporting the attractive produce peddler. I make my small purchase and then do my real shopping where I get a bag full of locally grown shit for under $10.

It just occurred to me that I'm exploiting the attractive produce peddler... or is he exploiting me?

Boys Love Needy Girlfriends.

You have your period. You can't stop sweating because it's 95 degrees outside. You went to the gym and have swamp ass. Even after the cold shower, you continue to sweat. You don't have any clean clothes so you throw on shorts that you bought but you never wore.

You'd kill for a compliment at this moment.

So you say, "do these shorts look stupid?" And he looks you over and with uncertainty says, "nah."

So you say, "Well do they look ok?" And he looks you over and says, "Yeah. They look ok. They're not sexy or anything. They're just shorts."

They're not sexy or anything. What you want to here.. what you NEED to hear is, "You make those shorts look good" or some corny bullshit along those lines. So you keep digging and digging for compliments in an obscure and extremely annoying way. In a desperate move, you refer to the fact that nothing looks sexy on you because you're overweight and can't stop sweating. And that's when he stops listening.

Although it's important to you, at the time, to hear some sort of compliment- it's a good reminder that it doesn't matter how someone else sees you. All you're doing is digging for validation about how you want to feel about the shell that holds your insides together. It's retarded you can't get a compliment out of a dude, but shit- does it matter? Are you happy with the hard work you've been doing? The healthy nutritious food you've been pumping into your body? It's time to shut up and praise yourself instead of begging for someone else to praise you.

But seriously though, dudes should compliment their chicks at LEAST once a week. Compliments should not be about tits, ass or vagina.

Oh hai!

In an effort to salvage the handful of beer scribblings I did from a website that is being shut down, I copy pasta'd them to here. Now they'll be here forever right? Is it ridiculous to have a copy of something on your home computer, work computer and two web sites? I do this with pictures too. I'm afraid my computer will crash and I'll lose the 1,000 photos that make good memories. So I need to put them on photobucket. And snapfish. And what the hell, I'll upload them to facebook too.

Packratting on the internet.

My fridge is packed with exciting new beers. Beers I've never tried. I think I have a replacement notebook to write notes about beer. Is this it? Am I going to pick up the old hobby? Things are extremely busy at work so I won't be able to do the extensive research that I could get away with before. This means more time at home sitting behind a computer.

It sounds like some bullshit right?

I dunno. We'll see how it goes. I'm happy to be excited about beer again. I feel like it's been a while since I drank something that gave me an oralgasm. I guess with summer time being filled with pale ales, ipa's, wheats and all the plain stuff- I'm missing the crazy oak barrled dark shit.

Anyway. It's bed time.

Schnieder Aventinus

Have you ever sat on a waterfront deck, with a blanket wrapped around your shoulders? You breathe in the air and it’s like the first breath you’ve ever taken? The aromas of the world filter through your nose one by one giving you time to appreciate everything that’s going on. For this moment you feel what could best be described as a moment of zen that you never want to end.
The Schneider Aventinus is the waterfront deck zen experience of beer. In Philadelphia, it’s apparently only on tap at two bars (or so the fellow with the black eye tells me) and Devil’s Den happens to be one of them. The stranger with the black eye says to me, “You need to order this beer. If you don’t like it, I’ll buy it off of you.”

Not sure what to make of the description, “This is a very intense wheat doppelbock with a complex spicy chocolate-like aroma with a hint of banana and raisins,” I went for it if only to experience this banana business. To my surprise, the hint of bananas was more prevalent than I expected. It was amazing. It was Christmas morning. It was that remarkable sunset that you still remember years after it took place. It was cuddling after sex (if that’s your thing). Schneider Aventinus was the zen moment of my beer life.

At 8.2% ABV, you’re graced with the feeling that you’re getting your money’s worth when drinking this 102 year old beer (created in 1907). After getting to know this beer, I’ve learned that the banana flavor does not in fact come from bananas. The banana and spice aroma is the result of the strain of yeast used during fermentation. The complexity of the Aventinus thrills me.

After such a profound enjoyment of this banana and raisin business, I had to wonder if it was just a one night stand.

Three days later, I went to a Rogue beer tasting at Jose Pistola’s. After the tasting, I was faced with making the decision of ordering a beer. And there it was- Schneider Aventinus staring at me from the menu. But this time, it was in a bottle. Could the bottle live up to the tap version? Will it ruin my memory of such a fantastic beer experience? After realizing I was overthinking this decision, I decided to go for it- as did everyone else at my table.
I’m also happy to report that this one night stand with Schneider Aventinus has grown into a casual love affair that will be taken slow and in moderation as to not spoil the experiences we share.

Southern Tier Choklat Stout

In a world where chocolate is cheaply made and mass manufactured, it’s easy to not be “big on chocolate.” It’s not until you sink your teeth into a high quality no bullshit hunk of chocolate that you can fully appreciate and understand where chocoholics are coming from. After trying the fancy pants type of chocolate, you can understand why Mayans referred to cocoa as the “food of the gods.”

I won’t go so far as to refer to the Southern Tier Choklat Stout as the “beer of the gods,” but I’m a few sips away from doing just that.

I had my eye on the Choklat as an after dinner beverage at Devil’s Den. After a flight of Belgian ales, the 11% ABV had me wary of ordering this magical glass of stout, but what would a Friday morning be without a bit of a hangover?

The appearance of this beverage was intimidating. I like to think it poured like an oil slick and that it could power a small vehicle or lawn mower. When you put your nose to the glass, I highly suggest you close your eyes and tell everyone around you to shut the hell up for a second. When you take your first sip, I suggest you do it alone in bed with lit candles and some Barry White on the stereo. Southern Tier has done an exceptional job of creating a beer you want to do it to.
In addition to chocolate malt, Southern Tier added bittersweet Belgian chocolate to this brew. Without knowing this information ahead of time, you figure out that real chocolate was used before you’ve even taken your first sip. The balance of bitter and sweet is perfect. It turns out that chocolate has been used in beverage form since ancient times. It’s ancient times that have inspired the creation of this stout as I learned from the Southern Tier website, “The Popol Vuh, the sacred book of the Maya, unfolds a complex web of mystery around a beverage known as xocoatl (ch-co-atle). At Southern Tier, we’re not surprised that hieroglyphs of the ancient Maya depict chocolate being poured for rulers and gods.”

It’s been said that chocolate releases certain neural transmitters in the brain inducing a sense of euphoria. This explains the Mayan obsession with the cocoa bean and how it was so valuable it could be used as currency. I never experienced the so called euphoria that came along with eating certain types of chocolate…. Until I drank this beer. I seldom use the word “oralgasm” but it seems like the perfect time to throw it out there (ok, it’s a lie. I use the word oralgasm every other day). If you‘re in any way a fan of chocolate you need to try this beer. If you’re not a stout person- well shit, even if you’re not a beer person, you’re likely to enjoy a glass of Choklat Stout the same way you enjoy a cup of hot chocolate after playing in the snow.