If I don't die tonight, then it'll totally be worth the anxiety.

There have been many definitive moments where I realize I am, in fact, a grown up. Not only do I realize I'm a grown up, but I realize I'm also a little boring. You would think something reminicent of your youth would get you feeling young again. Young and adventurous.

This is how I was supposed to feel when I went to this hardcore show. I was supposed to feel like I'm still into all of that fun shit I enjoyed 8 to 10 years ago. But 8 to 10 years ago I didn't think about fire codes, stable foundation, or being arrested. These were all things to consider at this show.

I later learned the name of the venue was "Disgraceland" which I found incredibly catchy. But how I got there is, I had been invited to go see a friend of a friend's band play. When I asked where, I was told it was in a basement of a house. I was excited at the thought. I always loved illegal parties that revolved around music.

Upon entering the "venue" I was greeted with a nice guy asking for $6 to $8 dollars depending on what you thought was appropriate. We all gave $8. "For the cause." Later I only hoped the $8 was going towards reinforcing the floor of the house.

The last thing you want to see in a room packed with people is a guy with a circular saw modifying the legs of a table.......... This was actually the FIRST thing I saw (woah pun!) when I walked into this room packed full of people. The vision of something sharp and jagged flying through the air and landing into my skull was something I tried to escape as I made a dash for the back of the house. But I didn't have too far to go to get to the back.

The house was a regular South Philly house. No larger than my own living room. Actually, it was about the same size. So you can understand how claustrophobia could run amuck in a place like that right?

My anxiety was well under control until Jordan said these words of comfort, "This kind of reminds me of that video where there was a dance party and the floor collapsed."

You'll have to excuse that this review (of sorts) doesn't talk about the music. But after he said these words, all I could hear was my own voice screaming in my head, "Time to go! Find a way to get to the door! Just listen to the music from the hallway!! GET OUT!!!!"

Because once the music started- it was too late. And the crowd surfers and the pit and the music were good and stressful enough to take my mind off of the inevitable collapse of the floor. The set lasted 25 minutes and as soon as it was over, I made a run for it. In the end, I very much appreciated having a couple PBR's on hand and was super proud of myself for internalizing all of my panic. I was also glad not to ruin the time of those around me.

Setting aside the anxiety about collapsing floors, not being able to get out the door when a fire broke out, or being kicked in the head at an angle that would induce a stroke- all in all it was a great time and I found parts of my "younger days" that I've held onto. Such as, not being a vagina when 50 people are suddenly being pushed towards you... or still having the reflex to grab your friend's hat after a crowd surfer has knocked it off in an attempt to make it his own... or the instinct to try and make room for the guy in front of you who is trying to grab something off of the floor for some reason.... All of these things have me wide eyed and bushy tailed to go to a show of the same sort sometime soon.

But I need to make sure the next show I go to is at a secure location that has passed the stringent guidelines of L&I... or at least paid them off properly.